


The Bad Year

by zivaballerina



Series: Poe Dameron's Wife [2]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:49:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23991088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zivaballerina/pseuds/zivaballerina
Summary: Part of Poe Dameron's Wife. Poe and Aviya's marriage, started when they were young, survives galactic war--but almost doesn't survive one very bad year, in which they have to relearn how to love after hurting each other over and over.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Poe Dameron's Wife [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1729969
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	The Bad Year

**Author's Note:**

> Um, hello friends. This is a companion piece to Poe Dameron’s Wife because this is a long, sequential story, which doesn’t fit into the format of that collection—but it’s a part of Poe and Aviya’s story that I’ve been planning this whole time. (I was meaning to write a completely different chapter for May the Fourth, but this happened instead.) 
> 
> This is sort of a short prologue, but this whole story is nothing but angst, so—I’m sorry. But it (obviously) has a happy (ish?) ending! 
> 
> (Also I apparently just name everything in this ‘verse what I refer to it as in my head) 
> 
> TW (and also a spoiler) for this chapter: miscarriage.

Aviya puts it together quicker than she might have if she hadn’t been so close to Laiyla, a few years ago. She’s nauseous, she’s tired all the time, and something just feels off. So she goes way out of her way to a store on the other side of the city, where no one will know her, and buys a cheap, at-home test just to confirm what she already knows.

And still, she thinks, _kriff_ , at the positive sign. This wasn’t supposed to happen.

The first thing she does is search through her memories to figure out how in the hell she fucked that up—the shot was supposed to be basically absolute, and the Navy was supposed to tell her when she needed another one—but oh, she had that vaccine for the planet she had been sent to a few weeks ago, and they told her the vaccine had that side effect, for three weeks, but she and Poe had been saying good-bye, and they had never had to think about it before, and gods, what a mess.

This is going to derail everything—her new promotion, her actual whole career—probably not Poe’s, but maybe. This isn’t supposed to happen. Not yet.

It would be so much better to not be pregnant.

But Poe wants children, so maybe he wouldn’t see that as an option.

As her thoughts spiral, she knows that what she needs, to sort herself out—what she always needs—is to talk to Poe. But he's deployed for almost two more weeks. Giving her nine days to figure out how to tell him. Somehow, she dreads a look of disappointment, and she dreads a look of happiness.

—

“Hey,” Poe grins into the holo, and she smiles weakly back. This is her only chance to talk to him during his time off-planet, but she isn’t going to use it to tell him. That, she has to do face-to-face.

“Hi.”

“What’s wrong?” he asks immediately. He knows her too well. “You look so… exhausted.”

She shrugs. “It’s just been a long couple of days. It’s nothing,” she lies easily. “Don’t worry about me.”

—

Poe’s timing in arriving home is impeccable.

He hears the ‘fresher running, and grins at the prospect of surprising her, joining in.

Instead, he finds her sitting on the floor under the water, blood rinsing from between her thighs, her shoulders shaking.

“Aviya!” he yells, throwing open the door and stepping in, fully clothed. “What’s wrong? What’s—”

“I’m bleeding,” she moans, and he kneels down next to her.

“Yeah, I—what happened?”

“I was pregnant,” she explains flatly. “Now I’m not.”

“You—what—uh—" he gasps stupidly, but she's reaching for him, looking small and in pain, and he forgets everything except pulling her against his chest, wrapping his arms around her tightly, protectively. “I’m here, I’m here. I’ve got you.”

“I’m sorry,” she says into his wet shirt. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry.”

“No, no, no,” he says soothingly into her hair.

“I—” she cuts herself off with a hiss, her fingertips digging into his chest. “Ow,” she says weakly after a minute, relaxing again.

Poe takes a deep breath, what feels like a hundred thoughts running through his mind like jumping into hyperspace: she needs a doctor, she needs clothes and a blanket, she needs painkillers, she needs _him_ , and holy fuck she was really pregnant and how did she feel about it and how did he feel about it, and he needs to do something because the water is turning cold and she’s shaking in his arms and hurting in what he figures is more than one way.

“Okay, Aves, sweetheart,” he says in his gentlest voice, “let’s get you cleaned up and warm. Do you have—uh—something for…” he knows, obviously, that women bleed every month, but he’s lived with Aviya for six years and he’s never seen a feminine hygiene product in their house.

She shakes her head. “I haven’t bled since I joined the Navy.”

“Right. I’ll get some old towels and rags, then. And I’m going to call the doctor. Here.” He reaches up and turns off the water, kissing her on the head before he stands up and steps out of the refresher to grab some towels. He wraps one around her shoulders before taking off his clothes and tossing them onto the floor of the ‘fresher.

She chuckles darkly. “Isn’t this the most fucked up welcome home you’ve ever had, Captain Dameron?”

“It certainly wasn’t what I was expecting,” he says honestly, drying himself off. “I’ll be right back.”

He returns, dressed, carrying some of his old, softest clothes and a few old rags.

“I’ve—I can do this by myself,” she says, and he nods.

“I’m going to call the MedCenter.”

He does so while brewing two cups of tea, delivering one to her after the call. She’s sitting on the floor, in front of the ‘fresher, and he lowers himself next to her.

“They want you to come in, check that everything is—” he stumbles a little. “Check that everything is clear, no infection.”

She takes a sip of tea. “We need to talk.”

“After the MedCenter,” he says. “I want to make sure you’re okay first.”

She shakes her head. “I’m fine, generally speaking. You deserve to know now.”

He nods—not because he thinks she owes him anything, but because he’s curious—so much information was dumped on him in just a few minutes, and the panic in his chest at seeing her bleeding has finally settled into an ache at what she had told him.

“Before I went to Kashyyk, I had a vaccine, and they told me that it could interfere with my birth control shot for up to three weeks, but we were saying good-bye, and we’ve never had to—” she shakes her head. “No, I was stupid and careless.”

“No.” Poe puts a firm hand on her arm. “You told me about that side effect, too. We were both irresponsible—both culpable.”

“Anyway,” she waves a hand, “I started feeling kind of tired and off, and when you got deployed, it got worse, and I had been with Laiyla when she was pregnant with Yanna, so I knew. I took a test—a couple days before we talked last.”

He nods. “I knew something wasn’t right.”

She shrugs. “I wasn’t going to tell you over comms. Not something like this. I was going to tell you when you got home today, but—” she takes a deep breath. “It started a few hours ago. I had these terrible cramps, and then the blood…” she trails off. “I didn’t know how I was going to tell you, because it was a stupid, stupid mistake, but I know that you want kids, but I just got promoted, so I didn’t know what we were going to do, and—” she stops abruptly, looking at the faraway look on his face. “Oh, gods, Poe, I’m so sorry. That was so much to just throw at you—”

He holds up a hand. “I can handle it. I’m just trying to wrap my head around one thing at a time.”

She nods, then shuts her eyes, wincing and doubling over. Poe takes her hand, letting her squeeze it through the pain.

When it passes, she leans back against the wall, breathing hard. “Believe or not, they’re getting better.”

“Kriff, sweetheart.”

“Oh, gods, Poe!” she says, and his breath catches at the fear that something even worse is happening. “I didn’t even ask about your deployment—are you okay? How was it?”

“Really, you’re asking about—it was fine.” She opens her mouth, and he shakes his head. “It was fine,” he says impassively. “Let’s just get you to the MedCenter."

She looks down at the ground. “Which one are you mad at me about?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Are you mad that I got pregnant, or that I—that I’m not anymore?” She braces herself for his answer, unable to look at his face.

“I—what? I’m not—it’s a lot to process, but kriff, Aviya, I’m not mad at you.”

—

Aviya is grateful to finally be home after several agonizing hours in the MedCenter, where she had been thoroughly examined and medicated, and embarrassed that people in the Navy knew she was dumb enough to get pregnant in the first place, and a nurse told her over and over that losing the baby was not her fault.

She’s exhausted, and her hormones are crazy, and she’s cranky.

“I just want to be left alone,” she snaps at Poe when he reaches for her elbow. She hadn’t meant to snap at him, but she can’t find it in her to apologize.

“I just think we should talk more,” he explains.

“Why? I just want to go to bed.”

“Okay,” Poe says sympathetically. “When you wake up, then.”

She sighs. “What is there left to talk about?”

“You listened to that nurse, right?” Poe asks—the nurse had made it a point to tell Aviya that _losing the baby was not your fault_ with Poe in the room, once she had allowed him back in after asking Aviya several times if she was sure she felt safe with him and Aviya had laughed at the thought of Poe being anything other than frustratingly caring at all times.

“Yeah.”

“None of this was your fault. Losing the baby—you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Fuck, Poe, I know! I’m fine!”

“Love,” he says gently, and she is already so over being treated like she’s fragile. “You just lost a baby. You are allowed to be sad—I only knew after the fact and I am, and you knew for nine days. And you carried the baby.”

“Of course you are,” she mutters. “Of course you are, and I—I’m not, okay? It wasn’t even a baby, for me. It was a problem I was going to have to figure out when you got home, but it wasn’t even a baby in my mind, not really, until everyone started talking today about me losing the baby, and so now I’m realizing that what I am is a cold, unfeeling bitch who definitely should not have been a mother.”

Poe only looks at her, mouth agape.

“Just let me go to bed,” she begs.

**Author's Note:**

> These poor loves are in for it.


End file.
